Dead End Filling

For those of you who don't know what dead end filling is, I'll explain it to you very basically. It is a process in which to solve a puzzle backwards. Backwards?!. Yes, that's right... backwards. Sounds stupid doesn't it?

Start at a dead end and work your way along until you come to a junction, and stop.

Choose another dead end and work your way along until you come to a junction, and stop again.

Then, choose another dead end. Work you way along it, come to a junction. Stop.

Get it?

Eventually, what your left with is the solution. This is the only correct path that will get you out of your maze, the only way to become "un-lost".

This is how my life has been up until recently. A seemingly never ending maze of wrong paths, all of which have lead to a junction at which I have stopped, looked around realised it's not the right path. And begun again.

I'm not saying that I regret any of these paths, because I may not have met my beautiful husband had I not chosen them. And I've learned alot of important lessons along the way. I just wish it hadn't taken me so long travelling along them & I wish I hadn't had to feel so lost and alone for so many years.

Recently... actually not so recently (and there will be more on that in a later post) I have been thinking about spirituality. Surely there has to be more than birth, death and everything in between, doesn't there? There has to be something more than the physical, something that determines the good and bad in people and situations. There has to be a higher meaning to it all doesn't there? Surely something more than just 'shit happens'.

I remember when I was a girl and watching Brides of Christ a TV mini-series and telling Mum, that is who I want to be, I want to be married to God. Then the series ended and I was on to my next crazy path ( I wanted to be a truck driver at one stage). I have always felt something though. Some connection to Him.

Even when I was in my tortured teenage years; black jeaned &  Motley Crue'd. Scoffing at my Nanna or anyone who mentioned anything about religion (oh, how I knew it all). I can hear her voice in my head now... "don't blaspheme!!". And I can clearly see myself - a perfectly rehearsed icy lowering of the eyelids followed by a slight toss of my head while I strut away, hoping that I don't go to hell for this little mini-evil act.

So that's my goal. I'm taking a journey. To understand Christianity. To see if this is the correct path for me.

I have a good feeling about this one.

Helpful comments, suggestions and answers are welcome and encouraged, with one condition only - please just keep them friendly and inoffensive.